Turning to Facebook for a column

Coming up with a column topic each week is not always easy.

As Tuesday quickly approached this week, I had nothing. So, in a last-ditch effort to not let down my two or three faithful readers I turned to my 567 “friends” on Facebook for a little help.

Immediately I got that help. Well, by “immediately” I mean after I posted a call for help and realized after nearly 24 hours of silence that my privacy settings were keeping people from seeing my post.

I would like to tell you that I changed the settings to avoid the large percentage of people who take it as a public admission that I do not love my children because I refuse to share their cute photos, but I’m not that good with computers.

I still have to sift through those really funny posters, political statements, invitations to play lame game and motivational quotes to get to the one or two things of interest each day.

Did I mention that I hate Facebook?

Still, I was desperate for a topic, and I got some ideas.

Curt St. Pier was the first one to reply to my call for help. He posted “Tony Romo vs. Jay Cutler.”

That is actually an interesting comparison. The two quarterbacks have a ton in common.

Both are have some unbelievable skills. They could be “elite,” as the experts on ESPN say, if they could put it all together.

By the way, can we finally throw the term “elite” into the trash heap with the likes of “epic” and “I know, right?”

In addition to uncorked potential, Romo and Cutler also play in front of the two of the dumbest fan bases in the history of sports.

When the Bears traded for Cutler, Bears fans were walking around muttering “Jay Cutler, Jay Cutler, Jay Cutler” under their breath. We were just like Cowboys fans who could only say “Tony Romo, Tony Romo, Tony Romo” when Dallas finally benched Drew Bledsoe in favor of the golden boy back in 2006.

Not long after, both quarterbacks are hated for shortcomings that are largely not their fault.

Cowboys fans hate Romo, while a large percentage of Bears fans hate Cutler. Actually, it seems like everybody hates Cutty. After thinking about it long and hard, I figure the reason most people hate Cutler is his pouty looks on the sidelines.

So, Jay Cutler has taken more heat for looking like a crybaby after throwing an interception than Ray Lewis did for killing two people. Allegedly.

Cutler had to play for guys like Mike Tyce and Mike Martz. Romo had to play for Wade Phillips.

You telling my Joe Montana and Tom Brady would have thrived under those guys? I didn’t think so.

Of course, the one big difference between Cutler and Romo is that one quarterback will win a Super Bowl (or two) in the next three years, the other is named Tony Romo.

Blake Hempstead wants me to defend the Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana poster on my wall.

Well, I do not have such a poster mainly because I do not have any posters on my walls after I got married. The Walter Payton Wheaties box given to me by the great Tank Maloughney has even been put in the closet.

I am not afraid to admit, though, that I have a couple Miley songs in my running playlist on my iPod. Hey, when you are on mile 7, “The Climb” is a good song.

I don’t get why people are so upset with Miley, though. Just because she tried to out Lady Gaga at the awards show Sunday night does not mean she is such a bad girl.

Give the girl a break. She is 20 years old and trying to break away from the wholesome Disney image. Plus, the No. 1 reason people did not like her routine was that she does not have the body to pull off that outfit.

Miley is cute, not sexy. At least she is not sexy in that outfit. It looked like she was too skinny.

If Jennifer Lopez did the exact same dance in the exact same outfit, nobody would mind one bit. That goes for the women, too. Probably double.

Of course, I have a hard time believing J-Lo would stick her tongue out like that. What in the heck was she thinking there?

Still, no matter  how bad Miley looked and no matter how much she probably disappointed her dad, I still have WAY more respect for Ms. Cyrus than anybody who watched the MTV’s Video Music Awards in the first place.

Coach Mike Parent asks why I am aiming toward the water hazard in my Facebook profile picture.

The water hazard, by the way, is the Berkley Pit, and the statute of limitations has expired from the 2002 round of golf.

Well, Coach, if you want to be the kind of player who lays up and plays for a par, then that is your problem. I play for birdies and eagles, Tin Cup style.

Kevin Edgar points out that former Butte Copper King Mike Napoli, now a member of the Mighty Red Sox Outta Boston, looks exactly like the old Butte Copper Kings logo.

Napoli and the Copper King, patterned after Fritz Daily (true story), sure do look a lot alike.

There is a much more interesting tidbit about Napoli, who was a member of the last Copper Kings team in 2000. Napoli, is a close, personal friend with ButteSports.com writer Pat Ryan. Also a true story.

Sean Eamon suggested I discus the guilt of people who proclaim their innocence too vigorously of with too many adjectives.

For instance, liar and cheater Ryan Braun pleaded that he was innocent after the first time he was busted for using performance-enhancing drugs.

In February of 2102, Braun said he would “bet my life” that the substance “never entered my body at any point.”

Well, Ryan, looks like you lost that bet. How will you be paying today?

Just like a person who tells you he is classy is almost never classy, you should never believe somebody who is so over the top when denying something illegal.

Sean pointed out the Butte woman who pleaded “absolutely not guilty” when charged with stealing from her employer a few years ago? Turns out she changed her plea later on, and is now serving time.

I knew she was guilty when I saw her not guilty plea on the  news. It’s a gift that I have.

Of course, the biggest example of that is O.J. Simpson, who pleaded “absolutely, positively, 100 percent not guilty” during his arraignment for double murder in 1994.

I always wondered if the Juice expected the judge to say, “Absolutely, positively, 100 percent?! Well, alrighty then. I didn’t know that was the case. Case dismissed. Bailiff, release that man.”

The lovely Sheilah Vincent, the First Momma of Butte, would like to know what the owners of the Bears are so cheap. She would also like to know why the Bears didn’t hire somebody like Bill Cower, John Gruden, Mike Singletary or Mike Ditka, then she answered her own question with her first question.

Who needs Ditka, Chucky or Samaria when we have Marc Trestman, who looks like Jeff Goldblum’s nerdy brother? Give him some time, Sheilah. Trust me.

Finally, Susie Hogart wonders about Abercrombie and Fitch models. “Size 0-1 need only apply,” she says.

Sure, Suz, tell that to Miley Cyrus.

Thanks for the help. Now excuse me, I have got to go reset my Facebook privacy settings.

— Sportswriter Bill Foley, who loves his children despite Facebook rules that say he does not, writes a column that appears on ButteSports.com on Tuesdays. Email him at foley@buttesports.com. Follow him at twitter.com/Foles74. 1 comment



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1 Comment

  • ol pahv
    August 27, 2013, 1:01 pm

    Not ashamed to admit that The Climb got me through my first Half Marathon a couple years ago. But how can she possibly embarass the singer of Achey-Breaky Heart”?

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