Some P.R. help for Peyton Manning

The Peyton Manning jokes started rolling in on Twitter and Facebook even before Bruno Mars started warming up before the halftime show.

Once again, the experts and talking heads started commenting that Manning choking in big games after the Seattle Seahawks made No. 18 look like Tony Eason in Super Bowl XLVIII.

In the same breath that some were trying to compare the Seattle defense to the 1985 Chicago Bears, people were mocking Manning for losing to the same defense.

I even got in on the fun by tweeting out the following: “Peyton Manning did say he was going back to the ’80s on the Papa John’s commercial. This certainly looks like an ’80s Denver Super Bowl team.”

Still, it drives me nuts to see Manning take such an unfair beating. I would love to see the future Hall of Fame quarterback come out and blast back at the morons who question his legacy.

In the past, I have offered my public relation skills to the likes of Tony Romo and Alex Rodriguez. Today I offer my services to Manning.

Following is a speech I suggest Manning read at his next press conference:

You see this? This is called a Super Bowl ring. I won it back in January 2007 when my team, the Indianapolis Colts, beat the Chicago Bears in the Super Bowl.

This ring is proof that I can and did win the “big game.” I also won a lot of “big games” to get to three Super Bowls in my career.

Yes, I threw an interception that was returned for a touchdown in the two Super Bowls that we lost. Yes, those plays hurt the team.

Remember, though, I wasn’t one of the 11 Colts who couldn’t recover an on-side kick against the Saints. I wasn’t the one who snapped the ball out of the end zone on the first play from scrimmage against the Seahawks.

I wasn’t on the field when Percy Harvin returned the kickoff for a touchdown. I didn’t miss one tackle on that play.

As former players like Deion Sanders and Michael Irvin rip me for losing the game, I want them to remember this: I won’t have to work on television when I retire because I am one of the greatest quarterbacks in the history of the game.

I have thrown 491 touchdowns — so far — in my career compared to just 219 interceptions. My team has won 70 percent of games that I have started.

Even those clowns who didn’t vote for Greg Maddux on their Baseball Hall of Fame ballot would vote me in on the first ballot.

I have also set up my great-great-great grandchildren for life by appearing in more commercials than Michael Jordan. I have more money than half the countries in the world.

Plus, I appeared in one of the funniest Saturday Night Live skits off all time. When was the last time Michael Irvin appeared in an SNL bit?

I’ll pause while you Google it …

Ready? …

That’s right, never.

I am one of three players to take two different teams to the Super Bowl. One of the other guys to do it is Kurt Warner, who is also 1-2 in the big game.

Why is it that Warner doesn’t get beat up like I do for losing the Super Bowl? Is it because he went from working in a grocery store to playing in the NFL?

You know why I never worked as a stock boy in a grocery story? Because I was busy being drafted with the first pick of the NFL draft.

All this talk about me losing the Super Bowl also does a major disservice to the team that actually won the Super Bowl.

The Seahawks were great on Sunday. The defense was really good all year. It was incredible in the postseason. Just ask Drew Brees and Colin Kaepernick.

Again, I don’t see those two quarterbacks getting beat up by the “experts.”

Of course, I realize I am talking to deaf ears. You will continue to rip me even if I win another Super Bowl.

Right now, though, I don’t have time to worry about that. I’m on my way to another commercial shoot.

My great-great-great granddaughter might want to go to dental school.

Good night. Peace out. Knibb High football rules.

—Bill Foley, whose speech-writing talents are also available for weddings, Bar Mitzvahs and funerals, writes a column that appears on on Tuesdays. Email him at Follow him at

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