The week showed us once again why the Dallas Cowboys will never again win the Super Bowl as long as Jerry Jones is alive.
Maybe it’s all the Botox injections, but the owner of South America’s Team looks like a picture of health at 75, too. So it just might be a while before the long-suffering Cowboys fans will have their pain eased.
Sunday night in Houston, Cowboys yes-man coach Jason Garrett opted to punt the ball on fourth and 1 from the Texans’ 42-yard line on the first possession of overtime.
The gutless call was followed by the Texans driving 72 yards to kick the game-winning field goal.
Sure, Garrett should have went for the first down at that point. The analytics say he should. The smell test says he should have. The fact that they have running back Ezekiel Elliott on the team should have made going for it a no-brainer.
That play is why they drafted Elliott in the first round. If there’s one thing that Elliott does better than beating women, it is picking up 1 yard on fourth and 1.
Unfortunately, Garrett is among the 93 percent of NFL coaches who have no guts. They have no guts because having guts gets you fired by guys like Jones.
Jones, who turns every loss in Dallas into an episode of The Young and the Restless, went public to blast the coach for being such a wimp.
The thing is, you know 100 percent that Jones would have blasted Garrett even worse if he would have went for it and the play failed.
Plus, Jones is partially at fault for the coach not going for it in the first place. Jones, after all, is the general manager of the ….
Sorry, I couldn’t get through that last sentence without laughing. That Jerry Jones thinks he is an NFL general manager is funnier than calling Aaron Boone a Major League Baseball manager.
Seriously, the Yankees would have been better off with George Costanza as GM than the Cowboys are with Jones.
The point is, the GM should have discussions about such strategy with his coach long before he goes on the attack to the media after the fact.
Making matters worse, Jones then went on the radio to gripe that the Cowboys haven’t had a No. 1 receiver in “several years.”
He said that like he was an angry caller in a talk-radio show, not the owner of the team.
You could even see an owner of a team making the same complaint — at the press conference in which he is announcing the firing of the GM.
The problem is Jones is the man who has been putting together the team’s roster since he ran Jimmy Johnson out of town. The No. 1 reason the Cowboys haven’t had a No. 1 receiver is Jerry Jones.
The Cowboys haven’t had a real GM since Johnson headed off to Miami with his two Super Bowl rings. Other than a few months with Bill Parcells calling the shots, the Cowboys haven’t had a real coach since then, either.
Any coach with any self respect would tell Jones to take a hike. Working for the late Al Davis was a much, much better option.
Yet, Jones inexplicably went into the NFL Hall of Fame last year. In addition to a double murderer wing, the Hall apparently also has a billionaire clown wing.
Jones will never give up control of the Cowboys, so Cowboys fans will have no reason for hope for years to come. Really, unless you just like the soap opera drama, there is no reason to even watch the Cowboys.
Speaking of unwatchable, last week I went 7-8 straight up and against the spread. That is awful.
That dreadful week dropped me to 43-35 on the season. I’m a miserable 32-46 against the spread. However, I am still just as qualified to be an NFL general manager as Jerry Jones.
Following are my week 6 picks. The lines are from ESPN, the Worldwide Leader in soap opera.
Philadelphia (minus 3) at New York Giants
Speaking of soap operas, the Giants and Odell Beckham Jr. are a binge-worthy disaster. Not to be outdone, the Eagles are going full-blown Cowboys during their short-lived title defense, too.
The daytime dramas cancel each other out, and this one comes down to the Thursday factor. Never go with the road team in a divisional game on a short week.
Giants by 3
Chicago (minus 3) at Miami
Mitch TruBearski and Da Bears are a road favorite after the greatest quarterback performance in the history of the Chicago Bears.
That is kind of like being the tallest member of the Lollipop Guild. Or the best GM in Dallas.
Bears by 7
Tampa Bay (plus 3.5) at Atlanta
The Bucs return to action two weeks after coach Dirk Koetter said everyone in Tampa, including himself, should be fired.
Tampa Bay is about to skip soap opera and go directly to dumpster fire.
Falcons by 37
Pittsburgh (plus 2.5) at Cincinnati
If there’s one thing Big Ben does better than buy off sexual assault allegations, it is beating the Bengals.
There’s something different about the Red Rifle this year, though.
Bengals by 6
Los Angeles Chargers (plus 1) at Cleveland
You can just smell another overtime game at the Mistake By the Lake.
Browns by 3
Seattle (minus 3) at Oakland
Just when you thought the Raiders were trying to win, Chucky sticks a dagger into the heart of Raider Nation.
At this rate, the Raiders will have the first and last pick of the first round of the 2019 NFL Draft. (Bears fans know what I’m talking about.)
Seahawks by 10
Arizona (plus 10.5) at Minnesota
The Cardinal defense isn’t half bad.
Vikings by just 7
Indianapolis (plus 2.5) at New York Jets
Either the Jets aren’t all that bad or the Broncos stink. Probably a little bit of both.
Jets by 5
Carolina (plus 1) at Washington
The Redskins are coming off a short week after that gawd-awful performance Monday night in the Bayou.
Panthers by 2
Buffalo (plus 9.5) at Houston
Is Houston good enough for that big of a spread? They needed overtime to beat the Cowboys in Houston.
Texans by just 3
Los Angeles Rams (minus 7) at Denver
OK, OK, OK. So a little bit ago I said the Broncos are awful, and I was right. They are, however, playing at home. They have that whole altitude thing going for them, and the Rams are a little banged up on offense and defense.
This is my fourth-and-1 call. I’m either a genius or an idiot. Maybe both.
Broncos by 1
Jacksonville (minus 3) at Dallas
There was a time when the Cowboys had good enough players to overcome their owner’s drama. Those days are long gone.
Jags by 9
Baltimore (minus 3) at Tennessee
The Titans are hard to read. They beat the Eagles and then lost to the Bills. The same goes for the Ravens, who beat the Steelers then lost to the Browns. In overtime, of course.
Titans by 2
Kansas City (plus 3.5) at New England
The game of the year pits Tom Terrific against Showtime Mahomes. The real key to the game, though, is Bill Belichick. It’s October, and the Hoodie has come out.
Patriots by 3
San Francisco (plus 9.5) at Green Bay
The Packers are also in full-blown soap opera mode. As long as this game doesn’t come down to field goals, though, they should have no problem with 49ers.
Packers by 24
(Four touchdowns and four missed PATs)
On the “bye,” which isn’t really a bye
Detroit and New Orleans