Politics and NFL Sundays should never, ever mix

Politics and NFL Sundays should never, ever mix

There are certain times when a man should never be bothered. At the top of that list is when his favorite football team is playing.

Like many men, I am a little on edge when I watch my team play. I don’t want to be bothered by phone calls, texts that aren’t about the game or unannounced visits from my mom.

I certainly don’t want anyone knocking on my door on behalf of any damn politician. That, however, is exactly what happened during the Bears-Dolphins game a couple of weeks ago.

While watching Chicago Bears games I tend to scream at the TV to the point that I scare and confuse my dogs. I’ve been known to punch a wall or two, and I have dropped some profanity that has even surprised myself.

I’m not proud of the way I act, but, as they say, it is what it is.

Since the Bears generally play at 11 a.m. (Mountain Time), some of the worst moments in my life have come between 1:30 and 2 p.m. on NFL Sundays.

My first memory of a really bad meltdown was in 1989, when the Bears were ripped off during the “Instant Replay Game” at Lambeau Field. I’ve had many more since.

If the game is a close one, or it is against a divisional opponent, the antics get worse — even on those days when the Bears win (as few as they’ve been over the last three decade).

The game against Miami was one the Bears should have won, but they let it slip away.

Miami was just about to tie the game when I heard the knock on the door. It was a woman my family has known for years, and she was holding a clip board.

She asked whom I was voting for in a couple of key races. I answered quickly, hoping she would get the point.

When she asked if my wife was going to vote and for whom she was going to mark her ballot for, the scene became very reminiscent of when Harry Dunne noticed his leg was on fire while Beth was trying to remember her phone number on “Dumb and Dumber.”

“Joan, the Bears in the fourth quarter right now,” I said, in probably the exact same tone as Harry saying, “For God’s sake! Just give me the damn number!”

She got the hint and left me alone.

As she knocked on the door of the other houses in my neighborhood, it would be safe to say she heard me scream at my television as the Bears blew the game.

Politicians and their foot soldiers should stay the heck off our doorsteps on an NFL Sunday.

It is the one day when I don’t have to do at least a little work. The biggest reason I work the other six is so I can be left alone with my television, my football team and my insanity.

I follow politics, and I vote in every election. But there is no politician that I hold more dear than the Chicago Bears.

Also, there is nothing any politician or representative of a politician is going to sway my vote on the doorstep, especially when I’m as antsy as a guy with his pants on fire.

This incident, though, has made me adopt a new policy. From now on, if you bother me during a Bears game, I’m voting for your opponent.

That might sound crazy, but it isn’t as crazy as my record last week. I went an abysmal 3-10-1 against the spread. Sure, my 9-5 straight up was not bad, but a bunch of tough bets killed me on the money line.

On the season I am a respectable 59-48 straight up and a sleeping-with-the-fish-worthy 42-64-1 against the spread.

It could be worse. I could be knocking on doors on Sunday.

Following are my Week 8 picks. The lines are from ESPN, the network that has become more annoying than a whole pack of politicians on your porch.

Thursday night
Miami (plus 7.5) at Houston

Kalispell native Brock Osweiler will get the start for the Dolphins against his former team.

The Dolphins have lots of problems. Osweiler isn’t one of them.

Texans by 12

New York Jets (plus 7) at Chicago
Don’t say you weren’t warned about knocking on my door. An aggravating afternoon is on the horizon.

Bears by just 2

Philadelphia (minus 3) at Jacksonville
Eagles coach Doug Pederson apparently told his players the “pressure’s off of us” because the Eagles won the Super Bowl in February.

Boy, Pederson really doesn’t know Eagles fans. If the defending champs don’t win this one, the coach will see just how wrong he was.

Eagles by 8

Tampa Bay (plus 4.5) at Cincinnati
Speaking of must win, the tease that are the Bengals have dropped two straight. Marvin Lewis is one more loss from taking his annual spot on the hot seat.

Bengals by 6

Seattle (plus 3) at Detroit
The Seahawks are coming off a back-to-back byes. They had last week off, and they played the ghost of the Raiders the week before that.

Well-rested Seahawks by 1

Denver (plus 10) at Kansas City
The second coming needed help from the refs to win in Denver a few weeks ago.

Patrick Mahomes II won’t need any help at Arrowhead Stadium.

Chefs by 19

Washington (minus 1) at New York Giants
The Giants traded Eli Apple to the Saints this week. According to Giants fans, they traded the wrong Eli.

Native Americans by 10

Cleveland (plus 8.5) at Pittsburgh
Pittsburgh is coming off its bye, which isn’t really a bye, by the way. The Browns are coming off yet another overtime loss.

No sister kisser this time.

Steelers by 14

Baltimore (minus 2) at Carolina
Ravens safety Eric Weddle called Panthers quarterback Cam Newton a “fast dinosaur.” Weddle said that because Newton is “big and runs people over.”

Sure, we all know that dinosaurs are very good at running the football. They just can’t pass it at all.

Ravens by 3

Indianapolis (minus 3) at Oakland
The Raiders aren’t “tanking,” Chucky says. They are merely losing on purpose so they can get a higher draft pick.

There’s a difference.

Colts by 9

Green Bay (plus 9.5) at Los Angeles Rams
The Packers are the biggest underdogs of the Aaron Rodgers era as they head to La La Land.

Only a fool would give Rodgers that many points.

Rams by just 7

San Francisco (plus 1) at Arizona
I’d watch this game, but I’m going door to door to campaign for some ballot initiatives.

49ers by 4

Sunday night
New Orleans (plus 1) at Minnesota

Drew Brees and the red-hot Saints return to the scene of the “Minneapolis Miracle” looking for a little revenge.

Saints by 2

Monday night
New England (minus 14) at Buffalo

The Bills scored five points against the Colts last week. Yes, five points.

Say, what’s on CBS?

Patriots by 38

Resting: Falcons, Cowboys, Titans, Chargers



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