By Bill Foley
OK, OK, OK, so that headline is really silly. I admit it.
It implies that the Chicago Bears have some kind of super human powers, and clearly an organization that hasn’t been to the playoffs since 2010 does not.
That is kind of like saying that a your ankle-biting Terrier is Kryptonite to your postal carrier. Really, it’s more like an irritating nemesis.
Still, whenever the Bears are starting to get a little big for their britches, the Dolphins are there to slap them back to reality.
It happened when the 12-0 Bears went to Miami in 1985. The Bears were so overconfident that some players were, as legend has it, still drunk from partying all weekend in South Beach.
The Bears then lost 38-24 on Monday Night Football, breaking my 11-year-old heart. In case you haven’t noticed, Hall of Fame coach Don Shula is still gloating about this regular-season win. He keeps mumbling something about 1972.
When the Bears were 7-0 in 2006, the Dolphins went to Chicago and won 31-13.
Some knucklehead in Oakland traded the best defensive player on the planet to the Bears just before the beginning of this season, and people started taking about the 3-1 Bears in a good way for the first time in a long time.
Fantasy geeks were actually drafting players on the Bears, again, particularly their defense.
Then, the Bears went down to Miami on Sunday and lost 31-28 in overtime to backup quarterback Brock Osweiler and the Dolphins.
Really, how did we not see that coming?
The diehard Bears fans among us will likely point out that the Bears bounced back from the 1985 and 2006 crashing-down-to-Earth losses to the Dolphins to advance to the Super Bowl. They beat the Patriots by 36 points in Super Bowl XX and lost to the Colts by 8 in Super Bowl XLI.
Of course, the real Kryptonite to the Bears is Osweiler, the Kalispell native who once beat Butte High in a playoff game at Bulldog Memorial Stadium.
The next morning, Osweiler, who had committed to play basketball at Gonzaga University, was at a Montana Tech game with one of his teammates. At the time, Osweiler was a sophomore, and I asked him if he was really going to play basketball in college?
“You looked like an NFL quarterback last night,” I told him.
Osweiler, who was about 6-foot-7 by then, said he would play basketball in college if he continued to grow. If he didn’t, he said, he would play football.
He didn’t get any taller, so Osweiler went to Arizona State and then the NFL, and because of my encouraging words, I take full responsibility for his entire pro football career.
After seeing what he has done to my Bears, though, I wish I would have complimented his jump shot.
As a starter, Osweiler is 3-0 against the Bears. He’s 12-13 against everybody else.
In his first start for Denver on Nov. 22, 2015, Osweiler completed 20 of 27 passes for 250 yards and two touchdowns to lead the Broncos to a 17-15 win in Chicago.
After signing a lucrative free agent contract with Houston, Osweiler faced the Bears in his first start with the Texans.
On Sept. 11, 2016, Osweiler completed 22 of 35 passes for 231 yards, two touchdowns and an interception in a 23-14 home win over the Bears.
Subbing for an injured Ryan Tannehill, Osweiler started for the Dolphins for the first time Sunday. He completed 28 of 44 passes for 380 yards, three touchdowns and two picks.
Why some team in the NFC North doesn’t go after Osweiler is beyond me. He’s a Bear killer, and for the first time in almost a decade, that is saying something.
Osweiler is also a pretty good quarterback. The Texans gave up on him in record time, and the Browns traded for him and then tried to give up on him before he even arrived in Cleveland.
People like to blame the quarterback for every loss. They blame Rex Grossman because Brian Urlacher and Lance Briggs forgot how to tackle in the Super Bowl.
Sure, he is no Aaron Rodgers, but Osweiler is better than a lot of guys lining up behind center in the NFL. He is better than Tim Hasselbeck, the ESPN analyst who likes to talk about how horrible quarterbacks are.
He’s better than Tannehill.
Osweiler deserves a real shot as a starter again. He’ll end up being an ankle-biting Terrier for more than just the Bears.
Speaking of annoying, last week was yet another losing week. I went 7-8 straight up and against the spread.
That leaves me at 50-43 on the season. I’m 39-54 against Vegas.
Following are my Week 7 picks. The lines are from ESPN, the network that doesn’t realize Hasselbeck is the one who stinks.
Denver (minus 1.5) at Arizona
Last week my home-team Thursday night theory was shot in the foot. This week the home team is the Cardinals.
Broncos by 3
New England (minus 3) at Chicago
The minus three is for people who don’t see a trend when it is point out to them.
Bears by 36
Tennessee (plus 6.5) at Los Angeles Chargers
Phillip Rivers is having such a good season that people might begin to notice that the Chargers are not in San Diego anymore.
Chargers by 10
Buffalo (plus 7.5) at Indianapolis
The big spread is because Derek Anderson, the Pride of Portland, Oregon, is starting in place of the Pride of Wyoming, Josh Allen.
This game will be played at 7:30 a.m. (Mountain Time) in Wembley Stadium, killing all the momentum of the London Silly Nannies joining the NFL.
Do I get a bonus point for a deep Family Guy reference?
Colts by just 6
Detroit (minus 3) at Miami
Tannehill is out and the Bear Killer is in.
Lock this one up and place your bet before the line changes.
Dolphins by 7
Minnesota (minus 3) at New York Jets
The Jets are going for their first three-game winnings streak in like, well, forever.
Not gonna happen.
Vikings by 5
Carolina (plus 4.5) at Philadelphia
The Eagles are starting to look like the defending champs.
Eagles by 10
Cleveland (plus 3) at Tampa Bay
Just when it looked like Cleveland was going to be OK, they reminded us that they are still the Browns.
Bucs by 8
Houston (plus 5) at Jacksonville
Just when it looked like Jacksonville was going to be good two seasons in a row, they reminded us that they are still the Jaguars.
Texans by 2
New Orleans (plus 2.5) at Baltimore
As Dan Patrick would say, this is one of those sneaky good games.
Ravens by 3
Los Angeles Rams (plus 9.5) at San Francisco
When judging the 49ers, don’t believe the first 56 minutes of Monday night. Believe the last four.
Rams by 21
Dallas (plus 2) at Washington
The Cowboys sprung to life last week. Washington did the opposite.
Cowboys by 5
Cincinnati (plus 6) at Kansas City
Nothing about Kansas City’s 43-40 loss at New England is going to make the talking heads believe Patrick Mahomes doesn’t walk on water.
Too bad he can’t play defense.
Chefs by just 3
New York Giants (plus 5.5) at Atlanta
The soap opera that is the New York Giants gets worse every week. This week the owner got involved.
Falcons by 18
On the bye: Packers, Raiders, Steelers, Seahawks