By Bill Foley
If yes-man coach after yes-man coach can just never get it right, the problem is probably not with the coach.
Still, fantasy football owner Jerry Jones of the Dallas Cowboys finds himself in a familiar position as we head into Thanksgiving. He is about to can a yes man.
Jones blasted head coach Jason Garrett and his staff after the Cowboys were tripped up by the Patriots Sunday in New England.
So any week now, Garrett, the ultimate yes man, will be shown the door in Big D. He was already coaching in the final year of his contract, so Jones will not have to buy him out.
That leads to the big question: Who would want to be the next head coach of the Cowboys?
There are bathroom attendants with too much pride to take the Dallas job.
Coaching the Cowboys is career suicide, much of like coaching for the Raiders in the last couple of decades under Al Davis.
Thirty-one years have passed since Jones bought the Cowboys and discarded 29-year head coach Tom Landry like a used tissue. Garrett is the seventh Cowboys head coach over that stretch.
Since Garrett is willing to go along and pretend Jones is a real general manager, he has lasted nine lackluster seasons. That is twice as long as anyone other than Jimmy Johnson has lasted under Jones.
Johnson coached five years, and he is one of two real coaches the Cowboys hired under Jones. Bill Parcells is the other.
Johnson got fed up with Jones after five years and two Lombardi Trophies. The Big Tuna somehow managed four years before moseying out of town.
Other coaches Jones went through are Barry Switzer, who won a title while dismantling Johnson’s teams, Chan Gailey, Dave Compo and Wade Phillips. All acted as yes men to the egotistical owner who is filled with more Botox than a room full of Kardashians.
The downfall for all those coaches was, like Garrett, they went along with Jones, who really thinks he is an NFL GM.
When Jones calling the shots did not work, he just got another front man so he could call some more. It really is quite comical for those of us who are not Cowboys fans.
The Cowboys have a solid quarterback, a great running back, some game-breaking receivers and a good defense. Yet, they are 6-5 and have not posted a win over a team with a winning record at the time since Week 13 of last year.
Dallas has just three playoff wins since 1996.
The guess here is that Jones fires Garrett after next Thursday’s loss in Chicago (Dallas can’t win outside in the cold, either). That will give Jones’ new yes man 10 days to get ready for a home game against the Rams.
If only the Cowboys could fire their owner.
Since we’re on the topic of firing, I posted another sub-.500 record against the spread last week, going 6-8. That drops me to a dismal 85-91 record on the season. I did go 9-5 straight up, bringing me to a respectable 111-65.
Still, I am taking my name out of the running for the Cowboys job.
Following are my Week 13 picks. The lines are from ESPN, the Yes-Man Network.
Chicago (minus 5) at Detroit
The line can’t block and most of the receivers can’t catch. So, naturally, Bears fans hate their quarterback.
Bears fans make Jerry Jones look like Art Rooney.
Bears by 14
Buffalo (plus 6.5) at Dallas
Apparently the odds makers haven’t been paying attention to the drama in Big D. Or how good Buffalo is playing.
Williams by 3
New Orleans (minus 7) at Atlanta
The Falcons beat the Saints by 17 a few weeks ago in New Orleans.
Saints by 17
New York Jets (minus 3.5) at Cincinnati
The Red Riffle is coming back for the winless Bengals.
Bengals by 6
Tennessee (plus 2.5) at Indianapolis
This is a huge game in for the 6-5 AFC South teams.
Did you know there was an AFC South?
Colts by 3
Philadelphia (minus 10) at Miami
It looks like Carson Wentz will play even though he has a sore throwing hand.
He could tie that hand — and his good one — behind his back for this game.
Eagles by 22
Green Bay (minus 6.5) at New York Giants
Aaron Rodgers said he has to “take the lead and get hot” to lead the Packers back from last week’s embarrassing loss to the 49ers.
Guess he’s going to play with a picture of Ryan Reynolds stapled over his face.
Packers by 35
Cleveland (minus 2) at Pittsburgh
The Browns won’t have Mason Rudolph to bop on the head this time.
Browns by 4
Washington (plus 10) at Carolina
Rookie quarterback Dwayne Haskins was so excited about last week’s win that he missed taking the snap in victory formation because he was taking a selfie with a fan.
That shouldn’t be a problem the rest of the season.
Panthers by 19
Tampa Bay (minus 1) at Jacksonville
The Jaguars have been outscored 101-36 over their three-game losing streak.
Turnover machine Jameis Winston keeps the spread close.
Bucs by 3
San Francisco (plus 6) at Baltimore
The Ravens will not lose again this year. Or maybe next.
Ravens by 8
Los Angeles Rams (minus 3) at Arizona
The Rams look absolutely awful.
Cardinals by 1
Los Angeles Chargers (minus 2.5) at Denver
Denver makes the Rams look good.
Chargers by 15
Los Angeles Raiders (plus 10) at Kansas City
The Raiders laid an egg in Jersey last week. Don’t let that fool you.
Chefs by just 6
New England (plus 3) at Houston
This Patriots offense isn’t scaring anybody.
Texans by 2
Minnesota (plus 3) at Seattle
Pete Carroll’s Seahawks are at the best when the lights are brightest, going 25-5-1 in games on Thursday, Sunday and Monday nights.
Kirk Cousins usually turns into a pumpkin when the sun goes down.
Seahawks by 10