By Bill Foley
George Washington Duke is the dirty fight promoter in the cinematic masterpiece that is Rocky V.
Duke is clearly inspired by Don King, the real-life fight promoter who never even tried to hide his corruptness as he stole money (allegedly) from all of his boxers.
In Rocky V, which was inexplicably snubbed by the Oscars, Duke is a complete weasel. Whenever he feels threatened, he says, “Touch me and I’ll sue.”
That right there is undeniable proof that Duke is a New Orleans Saints fan.
“You blow a call against my team and I’ll sue.”
When the Saints don’t like a call made in an NFL game, they sue. Really, they sue.
Blaming one bad no call for costing their beloved team a trip to the Super Bowl, Saints fans took the league to court, and now we all have to pay.
Here’s a newsflash for Saints fans: Your team is not the only team to lose a game because of a bad call.
Sure, that no call on the pass interference and the unnecessary roughness (on the same play) was horrible. Had the referees not been asleep at the wheel, the Saints would have likely won the game.
Bad calls and bad no calls, however, are part of the game. That no call was particularly egregious, but it was hardly the only poorly officiated play of the game.
The problem is we only notice the bad calls at the end of games.
For instance, the Bears were the beneficiary of a terrible call (or, more likely a terrible rule) when the Broncos were flagged for roughing the passer to help set up Eddy Pineiro’s game-winning field goal Sunday in Denver.
As a Bears fan, I admit it. It was horrible.
However, what about the two horrible unnecessary roughness calls against the Bears earlier in the game? Had they not been called, the Bears just might have been able to run the clock out before all the dramatics.
Speaking of the clock running out, Broncos fans think that actually happened before Pineiro’s kick. What they saw, though, was just the case of a hometown scoreboard operator with a purposely slow finger.
Had the officials not corrected that blatant attempt to cheat, it would have been reason to sue.
Watching NFL games is becoming almost impossible. Through two weeks, the league has seen 110 offensive holding penalties accepted. Last season, including the playoffs and Super Bowl, we saw 567 such calls accepted.
NFL officials already thought you paid that $300 for the Sunday Ticket just to see them explain the penalty in their size medium shirt. As it was, an average NFL game already showed the referee almost as much as it shows Cowboys owner Jerry Jones in his luxury box.
Because of the litigious Saints fans, things are even worse through two weeks this season.
The NFL’s response to the Saints suing and whining was to expand instant replay to include pass interference calls, and no calls.
As if we didn’t hear enough from the incompetent Al Riveron.
That new rule just might have cost the Vikings a win in Lambeau Field on Sunday. A Vikings touchdown was called back by a review that resulted in an offensive pass interference call, and the Vikings kicked a field goal to make the score 21-10 instead of 21-14.
Had the score been 21-20 instead of 21-16 when the Vikings had a first-and-goal situation inside the Packers 5 late in the game, Kirk Cousins might not have thrown that boneheaded game-losing interception.
Yes, Vikings fans, that loss was brought to you by the sue-happy Saints fans.
To make matters worse, the Saints fans are now blaming yet another bad call on another loss to the Rams, this time a 27-9 defeat in Los Angeles.
So, once again, we have to put up with Saints fans sounding like George Washington Duke.
Now, I won’t spoil the 1990 Classic Rocky V for those who haven’t seen it yet. The movie is available on Netflix. Go watch it.
If you want to make the movie even better, just image Duke as a crybaby Saints fan you know when Rocky Balboa says, “Sue me for what?”
It will be a thing of beauty.
Last week, my picks were not a thing of beauty. They were nothing to sue over, either. I went 10-6 overall and 9-7 against the spread. That brings me to 21-11 straight up and 17-15 against Vegas on the season.
Following are my Week 3 picks. The lines are from ESPN, the network that aids and abets the Saints fans’ misguided legal crusade.
Tennessee (minus 1.5) at Jacksonville
Not even the threat of a lawsuit could make me watch this game.
Titans by 3
Cincinnati (plus 6) at Buffalo
Bills running back Devin Singletary was 7 when his backup Frank Gore made his NFL debut. Gore will start in place of the injured Singletary on Sunday.
You have to go with the old guy.
Williams by 8
Miami (plus 21.5) at Dallass
The Cowboys will be 3-0 with wins over the Giants, Redskins and Dolphins. If the Dallass early-season schedule gets any easier, they’ll move the Cowboys to the SEC.
Cowboys by 47
Denver (plus 7.6) at Green Bay
Did you see Aaron Rodgers got in a fight with new coach Matt LaFleur in Sunday’s win over the Vikings? It took a couple of years before he showed up Mike McCarthy like that.
Why didn’t the Packers just eliminate the middle man and hire Rodgers as a player-coach?
Packers by just 3
Atlanta (plus 1.5) at Indianapolis
Falcons by 9
Baltimore (plus 6.5) at Kansas City
Patrick Mahomes threw four touchdowns in the second quarter alone last week against the Raiders.
He will have enough to outduel Lamar Jackson this week.
Chefs by 10
Oakland (plus 8.5) at Minnesota
On the bright side, the Raiders held Patrick Mahomes scoreless for three out of four quarters. Baby steps.
Vikings by just 4
New York Jets (plus 23) at New England
Jets safety Jamal Adams called the NFL a “damn joke” after being fined $21,506 for “roughing” Browns quarterback Baker Mayfield.
Wait until Jamal checks the mail for not covering while coughing within 15 yards of Tom Brady.
Patriots by 30
Detroit (plus 6.5) at Philadelphia
The Lions can’t count on Ty Long to bail them out this week.
Eagles by 12
Carolina (no line) at Arizona
Tickets are going for as low as $12 for this game.
I know. What rip off.
Cardinals by 2
New York Giants (plus 6.5) at Tampa Bay
After the Giants benched Eli Manning for rookie Daniel Jones, FiveThirtyEight called Manning “an all-time average QB.”
Just a reminder, FiveThirtyEight told us Hillary Clinton had an 83 percent chance of beating Donald Trump on election day.
Buccaneers by 14
Houston (plus 3.5) at Los Angeles Chargers
I can’t think of anything to write about this game.
Texans by 5
Pittsburgh (plus 6.5) at San Francisco
The Steelers lost Ben Roethlisberger for the season with an elbow injury. No need to fret, Steelers fans, FiveThirtyEight says the team can still make the playoffs.
President Hillary Clinton, though, disagrees.
49ers by 16
New Orleans (plus 4) at Seattle
Saints fans will find lots reasons to sue when this one is over.
Seahawks by 11
Los Angeles Rams (plus 3) at Cleveland
Rams defensive tackle Aaron Donald does not have a sack yet this season. That is bad news for Baker Mayfield.
Rams by 9
Chicago (minus 4) at Washington
If the Bears don’t win this game, I’m calling my lawyer.
Bears by 10