A 10-year-old Kentucky boy named Ace Davis won his science fair by proving that Tom Brady is a cheater.
His project, inspired by the fact that he’s one of the 99 percent of Americans who despises the New England Patriots and their quarterback, also got him an A.
A couple of things. First, you have to love a kid named Ace. Even if he never makes in the science field, that name will open the door for so many opportunities, like sports fixing and pet detecting.
Second, the kid should have gotten an F on the project. The teacher who gave the A should also be fired. The judges who awarded him the blue ribbon should be impeached.
The boy was turned into a minor celebrity for a first-place science project that has actually been proven wrong by actual scientists.
All Ace had to do turn to Google, and he would have found an ESPN Sports Science study that proved that if Brady did, indeed, let some air out of a football like he was accused of, it would have not helped him.
It actually would have hurt the quarterback.
Who are you going to believe, the scientists with ESPN’s Sports Science or a kid playing catch in the back yard with his dad?
Of course, you’re going to go with the kid because you are blinded by your anti-Patriot ideology.
That is like giving a 10-year-old boy a first-place ribbon for his science project proving that there is no such thing as global warming because it snowed yesterday.
That would be just silly. Though, it wouldn’t be as silly as the whole “Deflategate” scandal, which is one of the dumbest controversies in the history of sports and a low point in sports “journalism.”
The scandal was created out of jealousy and hate, not science.
About the same time we learned that the NFL had covered up the dangers of concussions for decades, the league suddenly found the need to suspended Brady and punished the Patriots because they allegedly let a nose hear of air out of some footballs.
Most football fans fell for it, too.
The league turned a blind eye to players pumping insane amounts of steroids into their bodies for even longer than they hid concision information, yet football fans focused their outrage on a clutch quarterback with a butt chin.
The League only recently tried to lift a finger to slow down its long-time domestic violence problem, and we turned a curmudgeon old coach and his goodie two-shoes quarterback into the villains.
These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.
Yes, the Patriots cheat. We know that for the same reason every racer in the Tour de France knew Lance Armstrong was a cheater. They were all cheating, and Armstrong was still beating them.
Guess what, every team cheats, and every team has been caught cheating. Repeatedly. Check out the website yourteamcheats.com, and you can find all the cheating violations documented.
The Patriots grade for cheating is actually in the middle of the pack. The most frequent cheaters are the Broncos and Jets, proving my mom’s long standing theory that “cheaters never prosper.”
Admit it. You don’t hate the Patriots because they cheat. You hate them because they are good. You hate them because they make us cheer for teams like the Falcons, Eagles and Rams in the Super Bowl year after year.
You hate them because their fans are more smug that a Catholic high school boy in a Make America Great Again hat.
Sunday, the Patriots are back in the Super Bowl thanks to an offsides penalty and possibly the worst roughing-the-passer call in the history of football.
Or as the nation calls it, cheating.
Of course, the Rams are in the Super Bowl because they paid off the officials. Seriously, there is no other way to explain that no-call at the end of the NFC Championship game.
Yet, our nation turns its lonely eyes to Los Angeles because we are so damn sick of the Patriots, whose annoying run of greatness stopped being cute in about 2007.
The funny thing is that the Patriots began this legendary stretch as the darling of a united nation. How awesome was it that a team called the “Patriots” pulled off a monumental upset against the mighty St. Louis Rams, aka the “Best Show On Turf,” right after the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks?
The Patriots even chose to be introduced as a team in the pregame ceremony, showing up the Rams who had selfishly just entered the stadium one by one.
Everybody loved the golly-gee picture of young Tom Brady, who began the season as a backup quarterback, with his hands on his head during presentation of the Lombardi Trophy.
It was magical. Admit it, you loved it.
Then, the Patriots kept winning and winning and winning, and that turned the boyish look of joy into a self-satisfied smirk of a quarterback living in a gagillion-dollar mansion with a super-super model who rates as a 16 on a scale of 10.
This whole Patriot dynasty started with the Rams, and now 99.99 percent of America hopes it ends with the Rams.
Thankfully, Los Angeles has the kind of team that always gives Brady fits. It was the teams with strong defensive lines, like the Giants and Eagles, that punched the quarterback in the John Travolta chin just enough to slow him down until his defense blew it in every New England Super Bowl loss under Tom Terrific.
While it is a violation in today’s NFL to give Tom Brady a dirty look, Aaron Donald and Ndamukong Suh are willing to take a couple of 15-yard penalties for the nation and bring down that smug fanbase once and for all.
ESPN, the Worldwide Leader in Science and Smugness, says the Patriots are favored by 2.5 points. The point spread should be the other way around.
Los Angeles will win the Super Bowl for all 17 of its long-suffering fans. The Rams will win one for a tired nation that will be mostly united for four hours on Sunday.
For once, we are not Democrats and Republicans. We are Americans, and we hate the Patriots.
Yes, the Rams will win one for mankind, and they’ll win one for Ace Davis.
Somehow, they will also win one for science.
Rams by 4