Bernie and the Kahuna have reason to be happy

It’s Christmas Day, and I have a couple of friends in particular who are extra festive this year.

Bernie Boyle is starting to get really cocky, and Lee LaBreche, aka the Big Kahuna, can’t stop smiling even though he has the possibly the worst job in the world.

Bernie is beaming because his beloved Green Bay Packers seem to be peaking at the right time. Plus, he’s giggling like a school girl at the thought that Chicago Bears fans must cheer for the Packers to win Sunday because the Bears’ playoff homes depend on it.

(To twist a phrase I believe my buddy Tim Schwarz coined, “Eat %#@* Packers, Go Pack Go!”)

Kahuna is going crazy because Peyton Manning — the guy Kahuna publically said would get “beat out” by Tim Tebow when the Great Peyton Manning contemplated signing with the Broncos just nine months ago — has the Broncos looking like a Super Bowl team.

The Kahuna, though, is living with the cold, hard reality that Manning’s head could fall off at any time. That has to be concerning to LaBreche considering he is the Butte-Silver Bow coroner, and he’s familiar such incidents.

Unfortunately, only one of my two friends will be smiling on the first Sunday night in February.

Although it is not a premonition from the Good Lord like the one Boyle had correctly predicting the Packers 2010 Super Bowl run, I’ve got a really strong feeling I know which one it will be.

Following is a rundown of how the last week of the NFL season and the playoffs will unfold. So, feel free to go skiing or ice fishing every Saturday and Sunday through January because I’ve got you taken care of.

We’ll start in the AFC, which ranks somewhere above the SEC and below the PAC-12.

The six AFC playoff teams are pretty much set, and Denver will pass the Texans and claim home-field advantage on Sunday. Take that to the bank.

New England will be the No. 2 seed, followed by Houston, Baltimore, Indianapolis and Cincinnati.

The Bengals will knock off the Texans, who are the biggest pretenders since Tommy “Machine” Gunn, in the first round. The Colts will beat the Ravens because karma has to kick in sometime for the team that left Baltimore in the middle of the night in 1984.

Denver will beat the Bengals, and the Patriots will knock off the Colts to set up a championship game at Mile High, where Manning will direct a 20-point comeback victory.

There, that was easy. Predicting the NFL is a little more tricky, but I’ve got it.

Atlanta has the No. 1 seed locked up, and the Packers will beat Minnesota for the No. 2. Then it will be San Francisco, Washington, Seattle and, thanks to our not-so-bright friends in Green Bay, Chicago.

The Bears will win at San Francisco, which is fading away now that the new-car smell has worn off Colin Kaepernick.

(I could go in to detail why this will happen, but I fear my reasoning might actually get me committed.)

Seattle will, somehow, win a game on the road. Russell Wilson will show Robert Griffin III who should really be the Rookie of the Year as the Seahawks knock off the Redskins.

The Bears, again for reasons I shouldn’t explain, will win at Atlanta, another pretender, and the Packers will beat the Seahawks in Lambeau Field.

Coincidentally, the Packers will win on a last-second controversial call.

That will set up a Bears-Packers NFC Championship game for the second time in three years.

This is where the run ends for my pal Bernie. If there’s ever a team that is due to beat another team, it’s the Bears over the Packers.

Yes, I’m basing this prediction on the principle of the overdue.

The Super Bowl will see the Bears, wearing their home jerseys for the first time since their Dec. 16 loss to the Packers, facing the Broncos in Super Bowl 47 — I say enough with the roman numerals — in New Orleans.

Of course, the Broncos to win this game based on the principle of insanity. It is said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

That would describe Bears fans for believing in head coach Lovie Smith. It could also describe Smith’s Cover-2 defense that Manning lit up in Super Bowl 41. Remember how Smith’s defense never switched up its defense as Manning repeatedly converted third downs?

How could I forget?

Final score: Broncos 41, Bears 13.

The magical run will fall short of the Bears hoisting the Lombardi trophy and me living happily ever after, but it will be enough for the Bears to offer Lovie another five-year contract extension that will extend my torment until my mid 40s. If I make it that long.

The thought of such an extension gives me chest pains. Seeing Adam Schefter report it first on Twitter might actually make my heart blow up.

Of course, I’ll take some solace knowing that my buddy the Big Kahuna will be smiling as he takes me away.

— Sportswriter Bill Foley, who doesn’t follow Adam Schefter on Twitter, writes a column that appears on ButteSports.com on Tuesdays. twitter.com/Foles74 1 comment



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1 Comment

  • Lefty
    December 28, 2012, 1:05 am

    Foles, Hell has already froze over with Notre Dame being undefeated. So it is physically, and spiritually impossible for the Bears to make it to the Super Bowl.

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