Mr. James Cox Kennedy,
If you will, I would like to speak on behalf of the non-gluttonous majority in light of the major decision rendered by the Montana Supreme Court last week.
The 1985 stream access law was upheld, ending your decade-long attack on humanity with you coming out as the clear loser in the case.
Even though Forbes Magazine calls you one of the top 50 richest people in the United States, you no longer have the power keep us poor folks from floating, fishing or wading past your mansion on the Ruby River.
As a preschooler might tell you, na-na na-na boo-boo. Ha-ha, you lose. The good guys won, and we hope your loss stings like an infected cut from the barbed wire fence you put up because you think you can actually own the Ruby River.
We hope you received the bad news from Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman because that’s what happens when a sorry billionaire tries to steal Montana.
Those fences, by the way, weren’t that tough to get over. Those warning signs you posted weren’t nearly enough to intimidate a true Montanan. We scoffed at your electrified fences.
It was bad enough to be so delusional to think you can own river. Trying to keep people off that river qualifies you as movie villain evil.
It is mildly surprising that you let the fish swim through your precious property.
It would not be shocking to hear that you tried to have the river stocked with sharks with lasers shooting from their foreheads.
Actually, Dr. Evil wouldn’t have been mean enough to try to keep people from using a river. The bad guys in the Die Hard movies would be shocked at your behavior.
Mr. Grinch wouldn’t touch you with a 39 and a half foot poll.
You make the self-indulgent clown who paid $350,000 to shoot an endangered black rhino look like a guy in touch with reality.
You are like the “get off my lawn” old man, only a billion times worse. Just like the kids playing ball won’t ruin your grass, the sportsmen using the water of Mother Earth will not tarnish your view in the beautiful Ruby Valley.
At least the curmudgeon who doesn’t want kids on his grass actually had something to do with making the grass looking nice.
Actually, who are we kidding? You probably think you are responsible for beauty of the river meandering through the valley.
The only thing you are really responsible for, though, is wasting a lot of time and ruining Sunday afternoons for sportsmen who actually value the river more than you could possibly could pretend.
Thanks to the Montana Supreme Court, those days are over.
Now may you go to bed each night with thoughts of freedom warriors like Pat Ryan and Tom Malloy — shirtless and casting a line in plain view of your picture window — dancing through your head.
Money might be able to rent you happiness, but that is a thought that will surely haunt your dreams like Clark Griswold watching cousin Eddie emptying his septic tank.
When the Supreme Court justices rightly agreed with the rest of the right-thinking people of the world last week and ruled that you are in the wrong, we couldn’t help but giggle uncontrollably.
Now you have to take down the barbed wire, and the flood gates will be open. With any luck the summer of 2014 will see the Ruby River turn into the swimming pool when the caddies took over on Cadyshack.
Take a good look at us through your picture window as we go by because we’ll be easy to spot.
We’ll be the ones with our thumbs on our ears and our fingers waving as we yell “na-na na-na boo-boo.”
—Bill Foley, who also can’t get the thought of Malloy and Ryan out of his head, writes a column that appears on ButteSports.com on Tuesdays. Email him at email@example.com. Follow him at twitter.com/Foles74.8 comments